The funniest poll ever?

After being compared to Paul Robinson, should Peter Schmeichel sue Steve McClaren for slander?
http://www.football365.com/poll/0,17053,8806_50411_r,00.html

"Out of Office" replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of
the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received
anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain
removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you
send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient, and
your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99
for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in your
message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can
see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a
reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by
your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Sharon" instead of
"Steve".

Terrible joke about cows

A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find all of his
Cows frozen solid.

As far as the eye can see the cows, are motionless like statues.

It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything
like this would happen.

The realisation of the situation then dawned on him.

With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would
he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage?

He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his
impending poverty.

Just then, an elderly woman walked by, "What's the matter?" asked the old lady.

The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his
predicament to the woman.

Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the
cow's noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon
back to normal and chewing the cud.

One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was
full of healthy animals.

The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a
repayment for her deed.

She declined his offer and walked off across the field.

A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer.

"You know who that was don't you?" asked the passer-by.

"No" said the farmer "who?"

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

"That was Thora Hird."

Finger lickin' good: McDonald's and free Wi-Fi

Is this really the place for your pre-meeting coffee?

Okay, I may have got my fast food chain advertising slogans mixed up.
But it makes a good point about the free Wi-Fi at every McDonald's
story. And that's this - fast food and your good old laptop don't
really make the best bedfellows.

Let me take a similar scenario from my drawer marked 'experience'.
Every time my brother comes over for a drinking session he comes back
to my flat with a stinking kebab. This is fine, but then he wants to
go online - getting his greasy fingers all over my trusty laptop.

You can see where I'm going with this.

Added to which, McDonald's demographic hardly reflects the
laptop-touting road warrior. Need somewhere for that pre-meeting
coffee? Hmm, let me think - Starbucks or McDonald's? However,
McDonald's is making a lot more of its alternative food options and,
more importantly for people with laptops, coffee. See, coffee and
Wi-Fi hotspots are inextricably linked. Like Terry and June and
Morcombe and Wise, they're a match buried deep within the social
fabric of Britain.

AdvertisementCoffee is the catalyst for a large portion of the
paid-for hotspots in the country. That's why there is also Wi-Fi in a
large majority of chain pubs, such as those owned by JD Wetherspoon.
They want to attract the day crowd. Wi-Fi is also in a huge number of
other pubs buried inside those multiple games machines. Played Who
Wants to Be A Millionaire? Or Deal or No Deal? You were playing on the
thing that provides the wireless hotspot.

And that could be where it's going to become rather interesting.

Say a relatively innovative company like Wetherspoons looks at the
McDonald's deal and says "we'll do free Wi-Fi" too - the chain
reaction could be enormous. Could we really see free Wi-Fi across the
high street in a few years time? Quite possibly, and hats off to
McDonald's for starting it all off. We probably just need one other
major player to jump on the bandwagon - and then the ball really could
start rolling.

Originally posted at http://www.tech.co.uk/

Carlsberg DraftMaster "Probably the best gadget in the World"

Perhaps they'll send us one? Hmm, perhaps not.

 

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Alex Blundell
Date: Oct 3, 2007 11:52 AM
Subject: Carlsberg DraftMaster "Probably the best gadget in the World"
To: Alex Blundell

Carlsberg UK Launches

 "Probably the best gadget in the World"

October 2007: Imagine pulling the perfect pint... at home.

Well finally, the wait for draught quality lager at home is over, as Carlsberg's new DraughtMaster™ gives beer lovers everywhere the chance to enjoy the freshness of a pint that has until now only been available in pubs. The self-contained home dispense unit keeps the beer cool and ensures a freshly poured pint whenever you want.

The latest DraughtMaster™ hits retailers shelves this month and features a number of new features that help to deliver a cooler pint with the perfect head. An advanced pre-cool function and twin-speed fan allows consumers to initiate a quicker keg cooling process, so freeing up valuable fridge space even quicker!

The stylish unit is designed around Carlsberg's patented one way keg system, which uses breakthrough PET technology to ensure that the beer maintains its freshness for up to 3 weeks after first pour. Simply insert the pre-cooled keg, connect the beer tap and pour your perfect pint.

The result of over 7 years of research and development by the Carlsberg Innovation Team in Copenhagen, the contemporary black and chrome DraughtMaster™ has been designed in partnership with award winning Scandinavian design house CBD A/S, and looks equally at home in the modern kitchen or bachelor pad.

With 24 million regular lager drinkers across the UK* and a great 'night in' becoming increasingly popular, having a DraughtMaster™ to hand is essential for all drinking occasions at home – whether it be watching footy with the lads, entertaining friends, or providing that well deserved pint after work.

Darran Britton, Marketing Director from Carlsberg comments: 'Our latest DraughtMaster™ not only looks stylish, but ensures each pint poured is at the perfect temperature ensuring a fresh, draught quality pint, making the DraughtMaster™ the ideal X mas gift and must have item for lovers of quality beer everywhere'

The unique 'plug and pour' unit is simple to use, and is free from complicated tubes and pumps. The 9 pint kegs are bought separately and each of the components are recyclable. Each DraughtMaster™ comes with a chrome tap, drip tray, and Carlsberg's approved guide to pint pulling.

The Carlsberg DraughtMaster™ will be available from Comet, John Lewis, The Next Directory, Littlewoods Direct, and Argos at the recommended retail price of £129.99, with 5 litre kegs of Carlsberg Export costing £13.99 each, available from selected Tesco and Thresher stores.

'snow' other bag he would use...

---

From: Adam Rhodes [mailto:adam@raniericoms.com]
Sent: 26 September 2007 09:40
To: adam@raniericoms.com
Subject: 'snow' other bag he would use...

MEDIA ALERT

'snow' other bag he would use…

North Pole, 25/09/07 – OverBoard, designer and manufacturer of waterproof travel and sports gear, today announced that the jolly man himself won't be seen delivering gifts with anything but the OverBoard Dry Tube Bag this Christmas.

The 100% waterproof Dry Tube is the only practical way for Saint Nicolas to keep the contents of his sack safe from the elements that are thrown at him during his epic night trip around the world. So this year you can be assured that your Christmas presents will arrive safely under your tree….unless you have been a bad boy of course!

Pricing and availability

The bags are available now in 5, 12, 20, 30 and 40 litres sizes. All size bags are available in yellow, and the 12, 30 and 40 can also be purchased in red. The Bags are available online at www.over-board.co.uk and cost from £9.99.

About OverBoard

OverBoard manufactures a wide range of stylish and 100% waterproof products, from small mobile phone cases to large sports bags. It is continually developing new products and expanding the OverBoard range. Whatever your outdoor pursuit, an OverBoard bag or case will keep your valuables not only dry, but dust and sand free every time.

CAMPAIGN FOR NATIONAL "HUG YOUR ACCOUNTANT" DAY BEGINS

-----Original Message-----
From: Response Source/SourceWire Press Release Wire [mailto:releasewire@dwpub.com]
Sent: 26 September 2007 09:38
To: Dan Grabham
Subject: CAMPAIGN FOR NATIONAL "HUG YOUR ACCOUNTANT" DAY BEGINS

You can also read the full release at the www.sourcewire.com website:
http://www.sourcewire.com/releases/rel_display.php?relid=iizEA

CAMPAIGN FOR NATIONAL "HUG YOUR ACCOUNTANT" DAY BEGINS

26 September 2007

In an effort to get small business owners and their accountants closer together so that they can better understand each others needs, an accounting software company is launching a campaign to get Thursday October 25th recognised as National Hug Your Accountant Day.

A leading accounting software company has today written to the heads of UK business organisations such as the Department for Trade and Industry, Confederation of British Industry, Institute of Directors and Federation of Small Businesses calling for October the 25th to be named "National Hug Your Accountant" day.

KashFlow's light-hearted campaign to launch "National Hug Your Accountant Day" has a serious element as it is aimed at bringing accountants and their clients closer together so that both parties can get a better understanding of the pressures they face.

According to Companies House most recent statistics, in the 2004/5 financial year, across England, Wales and Scotland 203,111 private and limited companies were fined for submitting late accounts.

KashFlow's own research has shown that accountants think small business owners need to do more to understand the value of accurate and timely record keeping to avoid fines and likewise small business owners believe that they should be left to concentrate on running their business and worry about the accounts at a later date.

The accounting software company KashFlow is in a unique position in that it is well used by small to medium sized enterprises to record and keep track of their day to day accounting and bookkeeping, but is also a solution provider to accountants themselves who use the data their clients enter to form various financial reports and year end accounts.

It is anticipated that the effect of bringing accountants and business owners together will mean more accounts being filed on time and less fines for small business owners.

Speaking about National Hug Your Accountant Day Duane Jackson, Managing Director of KashFlow said,

"The great thing about our campaign is that it is a fun way to address a very serious issue. A large number of small business owners do not realise the importance of keeping accurate financial records until it is too late and I think business owners would like accountants to have a better understanding of what entrepreneurial spirit is all about".

A copy of the letter that has been sent to leading UK business organisations is available upon request.

PICTURES TO SUPPORT THIS RELEASE ARE AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST.

END

The A380 VIP (A for Abramovich)

Abramovich orders Airbus A380 as private jet - report September 05, 2007: 04:09 AM EST

Sep. 5, 2007 (Thomson Financial delivered by Newstex) -- PARIS Thomson Financial - The billionaire Russian owner of Chelsea football club, Roman Abramovich, has ordered an Airbus A380, the world's biggest airliner, for use as his private jet, Le Figaro newspaper reported.

The newspaper, which did not cite sources, said Abramovich was the mystery buyer behind an order for an A380 VIP, which was revealed by Airbus at the Paris Air Show in June this year.

The doubledecker A380, which enters service later this year, is capable of carrying 840 passengers, measures 73 metres in length (239-feet) and towers over its biggest rival, the Boeing (NYSE:BA) 747.

Another press release for the scrapyard of life

Philips celebrates one million Digital PhotoFrames with the fusion of digital art and sophisticated style

Amsterdam, The Netherlands - Royal Philips Electronics (NYSE:PHG, AEX:PHI) celebrates the production of its millionth Digital PhotoFrame by announcing a special presentation exclusive to IFA 2007. ArtDisplay, the French company that creates dynamic, digital artwork especially for flat screens, is providing Philips with four astonishing images to be shown exclusively on the 9-inch Digital PhotoFrame showcased at IFA.

Working with ArtDisplay, Philips brings an additional element to the Consumer Electronics space. The dynamic images from ArtDisplay add imaginative style to Philips sophisticated consumer solutions. They're brought to life on the PhotoFrame's high resolution pixel display.

"The millionth Digital PhotoFrame is a great milestone for Philips, and what better way to celebrate this accomplishment than through digital art," said Rudy Provoost, Chief Executive Officer, Philips Consumer Electronics. "We are excited to announce that these stylish images will be shown exclusively on our PhotoFrames at IFA. Our alliance with ArtDisplay gives us the opportunity to bring high profile digital art into the consumer electronics realm."

ENOUGH.

These are class

http://www.neatorama.com/2007/07/26/funny-business-name-wtf/

http://www.neatorama.com/2007/08/16/omfg-magazine/

When was the last time you heard anything this ridiculous?

"Orange today announces the launch of Frank TV, a mobile TV channel
dedicated to England and Chelsea star Frank Lampard. Frank TV will be
available exclusively to Orange customers and features never seen
before footage from Frank's video diaries, giving exclusive
behind-the-scenes access to Stamford Bridge, the Chelsea training
ground, Frank's house, pets and much more."

WOW! "And much more!" Yes, sign me up! I really want to watch constant
coverage of this moaning, drippy midfielder who seems to be constantly
picked for England despite being absolutely useless in a white shirt
since Walkers changed its crisp packets the time before last. And who
has admirably put off negotiating a new Chelsea contract until next
year when even more of the squad will be on Terryesque wages and he
too will be able to command £130k a week for prancing about. Either
that or he'll **** off to Spain. Good riddance Fat Frank!

Footy joke

Which ship has never docked in Liverpool?.....

..... The premiership!!

Ha Ha!

WTF - moofing!

Honestly, you just couldn't make it up.

-----Original Message-----
From: Curtis, Lydia (LDN-WSW)
Sent: 06 August 2007 11:05
To: Curtis, Lydia (LDN-WSW)
Subject: Moofing this summer

Good morning,

If the simple matter of getting to work has become an increasing challenge this summer maybe now is the time to consider changing you work habits and start working more flexibly or "Moofing," as it is now becoming known. If you haven't yet considered it here are some reasons why you should.

* Extreme weather causing Summer chaos: This summer has seen floods of epic proportions, focused on central England but causing widespread disruption across the country
* Train prices start to soar: Just last week the government announced that the price of rail fares is set to rise at above inflation rates for the next decade, with transport costs eating up a significant percentage of people's salaries maybe it is time to start working away from the office
* Summer Strikes: This summer has been riddled with train strikes with SilverLink planning further strikes over the summer months, making getting to and from the office even more stressful
* Summer gridlock: Although avoiding the trains may seem like a good plan due to school summer holidays roads are likely to be pretty congested, in particular along the key airport routes and the M25 London belt
* Summer love: Are you concerned you don't see enough of your partner/kids especially over the summer holiday period - working flexibly will free up time for those summer BBQs and quality time with loved ones
* Summer weather: What summer weather? With hardly any sustained sunshine forecast until next year, the last thing anyone wants to do is waste the precious sunny spells in the office. Working flexibly will let you enjoy the sun as and when it appears

If you would like more information on Moofing or to speak to a Microsoft spokeperson about the Moofing concept do let us know.

Best,

Lydia

Lydia Curtis
Assistant Account Executive
Weber Shandwick Technology
Fox Court, 14 Gray's Inn Road
London, WC1X 8WS
United Kingdom

Holmes Report European Consultancy of the Year 2006

You can start using BBC iPlayer Beta

-----Original Message-----
From: BBCiPlayer.Beta [mailto:bbciplayer.beta@bbc.co.uk]
Sent: 27 July 2007 18:46
To: dan.grabham@futurenet.co.uk
Subject: You can start using BBC iPlayer Beta

We'd like you to join the BBC iPlayer Beta . This email contains everything you need to get started. Please keep it for reference. Also please double-check the BBC iPlayer Terms and Conditions <http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayerbeta/tandc.shtml> you agreed to when you signed up.

Your BBC iPlayer Beta log in
As well as the log in details below, you need to be a bbc.co.uk member (you may already be a member if you're using other services on the bbc.co.uk site). If you haven't registered with bbc.co.uk, we show you how to do this later on.

First step: logging on to the BBC iPlayer Beta website Please wait an hour after the receipt of this email

1. Go to http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer <http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer>
2. On the homepage follow the link that says Log in if you have BBC iPlayer Beta log in details
3. You'll then be prompted to enter your BBC iPlayer Beta log in details

Your Username is : xxxxxxxx

Your Password is : xxxxxxxx

We recommend that you tick the Remember my password check box so you don't have to type in these details each time you want to use BBC iPlayer Beta.

You'll now be taken to the BBC iPlayer Beta homepage.

Second Step: Downloading your first programme and installing BBC iPlayer Beta

1. Select a programme you want to download from the BBC iPlayer Beta homepage.
2. The programme's information screen will appear. You should see the pink Download button, though it may take a short time to appear. Click this.
3. The screen for BBC iPlayer Library installation will appear. Click on Install BBC iPlayer Library.
4. A pop up box will appear and you'll be asked for your BBC iPlayer Beta log in details (the ones contained in this email).
5. You'll then have the option to Run or Save the BBC iPlayer_Setup_exe. Click Run and follow the installation Wizard prompts until you have clicked Finish on the final screen.
6. You will now need to return to the BBC iPlayer website and the BBC iPlayer Library Installation page and press the Refresh button on your Internet Explorer toolbar to continue.
7. A window will appear that says: You are not signed in to BBC iPlayer

* This refers to the bbc.co.uk membership you need to use BBC iPlayer Beta. If you've used bbc.co.uk services before (such as message boards) click on Returning user log in with the details you used to create your bbc.co.uk member account.
* If you're NOT a bbc.co.uk member click New User create account. Registering for bbc.co.uk: the onscreen instructions will take you through the simple process of registering with bbc.co.uk. This gives you access to all bbc.co.uk services such as message boards as well as BBC iPlayer Beta.

8. Once you're signed in (you'll see your member name in the top right part of the BBC iPlayer Beta screen), click on the pink Download button again.
9. The programme will start to download in your BBC iPlayer Library. Keep track of the progress of your download in your Library and as soon as it's finished downloading you'll be able to watch it by clicking the Watch now button beside its title.

Help and support
To support you we've created an online Help <http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/help/> section and a Message Board <http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbiplayer> , a forum shared by those already using BBC iPlayer Beta and BBC iPlayer Beta team members.

If you still need more help, email us through the Contact Us <http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/feedback/> link you'll find at the foot of each BBC iPlayer Beta web page. You can also call us on 08709 000 223. We welcome and very much value your feed-back.

Thank you again for joining the BBC iPlayer Beta - we hope you enjoy being among the first to get BBC TV programmes through your computer.

Best wishes
The BBC iPlayer Beta team

Some woman comments on my One Laptop Per Child porn story

Yesterday I wrote a story on Tech.co.uk about the One Laptop Per Child (OLPC) project. It covered the rather unfortunate tale that Nigerian schoolchildren had been able to browse pornographic material on the laptops donated by the organisation.

But then I received the following email, sent to the founders of the One Laptop Per Child project and copied to my home address (bizarre), Reuters, the Wall Street Journal and a local US newspaper. And, to be honest, I was rather surprised by the comments, especially those in the third paragraph - read them for yourself.

The well-meaning guys behind the OLPC project obviously didn't mean for the students to be browsing inappropriate material and would have done anything to prevent this. I'm also sure they don't really need someone lecturing to them about the mishap.

The laptops will now have content filters enabled.

-----Original Message-----
From: Girley Tegama
Sent: 23 July 2007 18:23
To: nicholas media.mit.edu; mlj joeinc.tv; walter media.mit.edu; jg
freedesktop.org; technology laptop.org; content laptop.org
Cc: editor reuters.com; email danielgrabham.com; newseditors wsj.com;
mboslet mercurynews.com
Subject: One Laptop Per Child

Dear Nicholas Negroponte, Mary Lou Jepsen, Walter Bender, and Jimmy Gettys,

As an African native residing in the United States for the past 7 years, I
am appalled to read the Reuters story of July 19, 2007 entitled "Nigerian
Pupils Browse Porn on Donated Laptops" showing that your organization has
enabled Nigerian schoolchildren who received your laptops to access
pornographic sites on the Internet. While your project idea is to improve
the future of African children for the better, this revelation is shocking
and a failure on your part to protect them.

While I have managed to protect my 10-year old son by filtering the Internet
and also verbally communicate with him about the pros and dangers of the
Internet, these children that are benefitting from your project do not have
parents who are familiar with the Internet world. Your organization has
enabled these children to babysit themselves on the Internet and explore the
new world without guidance. You are the remote parents, and have the
technical power to protect these children. Your team should have know
better, and in your initial steps addressed what the Internet brings to
these innocent children of Africa who already face tough times. You should
not underestimate the curiosity of children on what they can search on the
Internet.

For certain, life will never be the same for these children. Accessing such
sexual content via laptops will increase the spread of HIV/AIDS, erode
culture, promote child molestation, and increase child abuse.

Your organization should freeze any laptop donations until you revisit each
donated laptop and provide necessary protections to these innocent and smart
children of Nigeria and elsewhere in Africa.

Sincerely,

Girley Tegama
397 Panama Mall Rm 317A,
Stanford University
Stanford, CA 94305

Cross posted on my Tech.co.uk blog

Shotgun Rules

This comes courtesy of Dan Layzell:

History Lesson: The name for the seat (or seats) adjacent to that of the driver comes to us from the American "old"/"wild" west. During this period, Stagecoach was the only means of private transport aside from a railroad ticket. Stagecoaches were also a common means of transporting things of value (e.g... payroll money, high ticket merchandise). In this period of lawlessness and in an area home to hostile (with every right) natives, protection was necessary. Alright, admittedly pretty much everyone back then was packing some heat. But for added safety, a stagecoach would always utilize an extra man, right next to the driver armed with a shotgun. hence calling shotgun

Rules So far

1. The Shotgunner must be in clear sight of the car, and shotgun can be called regardless of whether the driver is in sight of the car

2. If you are the first to be picked up on a journey, you are automatically given shotgun, until you violate the other shotgun laws and thus, forfeit your position, and the seat is yours

3. You cannot declare shot gun if someone has previously declared shotgun for that journey.

4. When simultaneous shotgun is called, there is then a foot race to the passenger side door from the all the people who called

5. Shotgun cannot be called whilst inside a building (unless you are in a multi storey or underground car park!)

6. Shotgun can't be called in advance, only whilst on the way to the car for the journey

7. On the call shotgun if the driver wants to mix things up a bit he can call reload, this means that all calls of shotgun before that are void and the first person to call shotgun again gets the seat... and if you plain don't like the person who called shotgun. This is often used when there is a simultaneous call and the driver is unsure of the outcome, also a shotgun can have 2 barrels so a reload can only be called once

8. Rob rule...if he’s in the car shotgun now means back left so he cant punch you every time a yellow car goes past

9. Once shotgun has been called for the front seat then back left and back right can be called, thus leaving the fifth person who is travelling in the middle (or the "bitch" seat)

10. Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. I.e. women don't own the front seat!

11. In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.

12. Once the journey is underway, the driver is the obvious controller of the tunes. However if they feel the road needs their full concentration, or they simply cannot be arsed any more, duty is passed to the shotgunner. However putting on crap tunes or allowing for silence when the iPod finishes a song or ANY instances of TAKE THAT will result in demotion to bitch seat.

13. Shoe Rule, anyone calling shotgun must have their shoes on, this is to stop people running outside and calling shotgun, then having to go back inside to put their shoes on, thus slowing the journey

14. Shotgun overrules Dibs, Baggsy's and other girly calls!

15. Despite the debate, shotgun can be used to shotgun things other than the front seat

16. If travelling with a couple, one of the couple must shotgun the front.....no one wants to chauffer two of their mates whilst they are sat in the back all over each other

17. If someone has successfully called shotgun, this gives them no right whatsoever to correct the driver on their navigation skills ("take a left here you dickhead!") or driving ability ("I'd be in third gear if I was driving") if the passenger does this then they forfeit their position as shotgun holder

18. If someone says "what's shotgun?" after it has been called then they have to walk

19. If you come up to the car and you already have shotgun. the driver gets in and reaches over to unlock the shotgun door. if shotgun opens it before its actually unlocked..(this happens when the driver is still trying to unlock it and person pulls on handle) they have to give up there rights as shotgun. Therefore…shotgun suicide!

20. The successful shotgunner, in the front of a vehicle, assumes the responsibility for all gate opening, off licence nipping into, takeaway ordering and question asking. He/she is, in essence the co-pilot and therefore the enforcer of behaviour in the vehicle and exacter of slaps/punches/water spraying/bag throwing at the passengers in the back.

21. Automatic "couple's rights act 1997". This is that, if the driver is the boyfriend/girlfriend of a passenger in the car, they have the right to the seat of their choice.

22. The Pirate Rule - If One of the potential occupants of the vehicle is dressed (convincingly) as a pirate then they are given automatic shotgun. In the occurrence of more than one pirate then a sword fight shall determine the successful shotgunner.

23. When driving past a woman walking a dog, everyone in the car must shout of the window "who's walking who", it is the shotgunners responsibility and failure to spot a potential heckling results in demoting to the bitch seat!

24. When riding in a 2/3 door car it is the role of the Shotgun Rider to allow rear passengers in and out of the back of the car NOT THE DRIVER'S!! Regardless of the weather conditions.

25. Obviously the previous rule on the subject didn't clarify things completely with everyone coming up with a new rule that over rules shot gun. NOTHING overrules shotgun. Shotgun is final therefore it cannot be overruled!!!!

WTF

-----Original Message-----
From: CupidBay PR [mailto:pr@cupidbay.com]
Sent: 18 July 2007 16:11
To: dan.grabham@futurenet.co.uk
Subject: Press Release

Two-thirds of Brits believe that Wills and Kate are back together, according to a survey by CupidBay.com <http://www.cupidbay.com/>

If you require further details, then please don't hesitate to contact me on 020 7070 0954.

Kind regards,

Kevin

News Release
July 18, 2007

Wills & Kate - are they or aren't they?

- survey finds Kate to be 'right girlfriend' but 'wrong Queen' -

Two-thirds of Brits believe that Wills and Kate are back together, according to a survey by CupidBay.com (www.cupidbay.com).

The poll, carried out by the international dating site, revealed that one-third of Brits believes that Wills and Kate staged their break-up to escape the pressure/rumours of getting engaged.

When asked if Kate Middleton was "the right choice" for Wills, 69% of CupidBay users answered "yes" with 64% also believing that the couple would get married. 62% of respondents, however, weren't of the opinion that Kate would make a "good Queen".

CupidBay users who didn't think Kate was "the right choice" for the heir to the British throne were also asked to name a possible alternative for Prince William. The most popular potential girlfriends were mainly American socialites and actresses, including: Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.

"Too much weight has been put on the shoulders of two very young people from whom the nation expects a fairytale happy ending," said Francis Deacon, relationship expert for CupidBay.com. "In an age where an increasing number of young people prefer to wait until their late 20s or early 30s to marry, Wills and Kate find themselves in a situation of having every move of their relationship scrutinised by a public eager to see them marry at an age that very few of their contemporaries would consider."

-ENDS

NOTES TO THE EDITOR

About Cupid Bay

CupidBay.com (www.cupidbay.com <http://www.cupidbay.com/>) is an international friendship and dating Website.

CupidBay.com currently has over 1.5 million users from over 200 different countries. It receives over 30 million page impressions a month and currently has in excess of 350,000 monthly unique visitors.

For further details, please contact: Kevin Saidler on 020 7070 0954 or at pr@cupidbay.com

BBC SPORT | Football | Football turns to technology

Interesting BBC News feature talking about the experiments with the Wimbledon-used Hawk-Eye technology. A deployed system would be able to dictate when the ball as out of play or had crossed the line.



Football turns to technology

Hello Friend

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: edwardndebien@terra.es <edwardndebien@terra.es>
Date: Jul 16, 2007 1:40 PM
Subject: Hello Friend,

Hello Friend,

My name is Mr.Edward Ndebi, I work for the government owned Oil
Refinery Company here in the Democratic Republic of Sao Tome and
Principe, based in the United Kingdom. I wish you to help me lay
claims to balance funds derived from a contract executed by one of our
contractors. The total contract sum was US$158,109,000 and
US$140,000,000 has already been paid. Leaving a balance of
US$18,109,000.

It is my intention to form a company with you when the funds are paid.
My area of interest is Real Estate business investment. I also desire
absolute confidentiality and professionalism in this transaction, If
you are willing to handle this transaction with me, kindly forward to
me your (1) FULL NAMES (2) DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBERS and other
information's to enable us discuss in details to the following
address:edwardndebisao@yahoo.co.uk

Waiting to hear from you.

Regards,
Mr.Edward Ndebi.

Vista SP1 - Update

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Microsoft Press Centre
Date: Jul 10, 2007 3:02 PM
Subject: Vista SP1 - Update

Hi,

Following your enquiry yesterday about Vista SP1 beta we have just
received a statement which I can share with you now.

"There will be a Windows Vista Service pack but it's too early to
discuss specifics on timing. Service packs are part of the traditional
software lifecycle — they're something we do for all Microsoft
products as part of our commitment to continuous improvement, and
providing early test builds is a standard practice that helps us
incorporate customer feedback and improve the overall quality of the
product. The team is working hard on the service pack, and our current
expectation is that a beta will be made available sometime this year."

Please attribute to a Microsoft Spokesperson.

Kind Regards,

Liam

Microsoft Press Centre
For all UK press needs please use the following:
Tel: 0870 20 77377
Fax: 0870 20 77329
Email: ukprteam@microsoft.com
Website: www.microsoft.com/uk/press

Genesis at Twickenham

085, originally uploaded by danielgrabham.

On Sunday night we went to see the one and only Genesis at Twickenham. Fantastic gig. Phil Collins did a surprising amount of drumming and they played a few of the 70s classics from Selling England by the Pound as well as (predictably) a lot from Invisible Touch and We Can't Dance. Great stage set-up, too.

Rest of the pics are at: http://www.dangrabham.com/pictures/genesis080707.htm

At the Regatta

012, originally uploaded by danielgrabham.

HP Labs: Lisbon

IMG_0441
Originally uploaded by danielgrabham

The day after Glastonbury (two weeks ago, I'm a bit out of date), it was off to HP Labs in Lisbon, Portugal. HP Labs isn't a jolly, but three rather intensive days learning about the workings of printers, cameras and, in my case, the future of personal computing.

We also strolled around a park with GPS-enabled PDAs, saw a Cirque de Soleil rip-off and watched a great covers band. Needs must, see the rest of the pics at http://www.dangrabham.com/pictures/hplabs2007.htm

Glastonbury: the aftermath

IMG_0318
Originally uploaded by danielgrabham

You know, it's occurred to me that I haven't posted to my blog for ages. So here's a picture of Glastonbury (which was muddy), during The Killers (who were great). Shame about the stuff with the poor sound during their set, but there. I'm going to do a few retro posts today before I jet off to Poland for our yearly lads trip. I am really looking forward to sinking that first beer in Krakow...

Full photoset here: http://www.dangrabham.com/pictures/glastonbury2007.htm

Look, the weather, etc

THE WEATHER IS GOING TO BE FINE.

ISH.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/glastonbury/2007/somerset/weather/

Glastonbury...

...is very soon!

The Killers, Bloc Party, Modest Mouse, The Arcade Fire, Björk, Arctic
Monkeys, Bright Eyes, The Who, The Chemical Brothers, Damien Rice, Kaiser Chiefs, Fatboy Slim, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Kasabian, Rufus Wainwright, The New Pornographers, Editors, Lily Allen, The Stooges, Mika, Manic Street Preachers, Babyshambles, Hot Chip, !!!, Joss Stone, Maxïmo Park, The Rakes, The Fratellis, The Magic Numbers, Madness, Amy Winehouse, Klaxons, Beirut, Super Furry Animals, Mr. Scruff, Pendulum, Corinne Bailey Rae, Dirty Pretty Things, Chumbawamba, Cansei de Ser Sexy, Paul Weller, Billy Bragg, Shirley Bassey, The View, The Good, The Bad & The Queen, Damian Marley, Enter Shikari, Jamie T, Mark Lanegan, Steve Earle, The Young Knives, The Waterboys, Tunng, The Horrors, Larrikin Love, Smokey Robinson, Annuals, SHITDISCO, You Say Party! We Say Die!, The Earlies, Shitmat, Mumm-Ra, Kate Nash, Lemon, Kubichek!, Fionn Regan, The Twang, Pete Doherty, Seth Lakeman, The Rumble Strips, Cajun Dance Party, The Wurzels, Chas 'n' Dave, CUD, The Voodoo Trombone Quartet, John Otway, Johnny Marr, Adjagas, The Grim Northern Social, The Epstein, Liz Green, Dr Meaker, Three Daft Monkeys, Feluka, Ghost Cat

And to celebrate, here are some random pics from my Flickr page.

www.flickr.com danielgrabham's Glastonbury Festival 270605 photoset

US time capsule yields rusty car

This is pretty funny.

"Though encased in a concrete vault said to be strong enough to withstand nuclear attack, the Plymouth Belvedere was waterlogged and covered in rust."



Link

An amusing jape...

...from my good friend Mr Layzell.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied,

"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my ****ing fault."

Total eclipse of the moon

550
Originally uploaded by danielgrabham

I'm now in the process of uploading all my pictures to Flickr. Using this superb site will revolutionise the way I handle my photos at my dangrabham.com site as I'll be able to embed Flickr slideshows into my pages. Woot. That also means people can download originals, while my pics will also be displayed on my Facebook. And it also means I can auto-blog my favourite pictures - such as this one from the lunar eclipse on 3 March.

Football knowledge not required

NEWS RELEASE

21 April 2007

"CRISTIANO RONALDO UNDERWORLD FOOTBALL" GAME LAUNCHED AT MANCHESTER UNITED MEGASTORE ON CELLJUMP'S NEW MCP (MOBILE CONTENT PROVIDER) FOR MOBILES

PolarisSports and YDreams have today announced the launch of "Cristiano Ronaldo Underworld Football" mobile game on Celljump's new MCP (Mobile Content Provider) for mobile phones.

The "Cristiano Ronaldo Underworld Football" MCP is a device which side-loads the game and other exclusive content, like parts of promotional adverts in which Cristiano Ronaldo has starred, directly onto mobile phones.
Available exclusively from Manchester United's Megastore from Saturday 21 April 2007, the limited edition game was developed by YDreams. It will retail for £12.99.

Fans of Cristiano Ronaldo, who plays for Premier Division football club Manchester United and is reputedly one of the best players in the world, will be able to combine football and fantasy whilst playing the game. The character representing the international footballer and his fellow team-mates are given superpowers to take on a team of Underworld monsters in a game of football. The game draws on the best of fantasy games with monsters trying to tear the football star limb from limb, but it also incorporates Cristiano's skills and personality in football.

Cristiano Ronaldo is enthusiastic about the game: "My character has all my football skills and a host of extra weapons and tricks to take on the monsters," he said. "It is great fun to play."

Oivind Horpestad, Chief Executive of Celljump commented: "The Cristiano Ronaldo Underworld Football Game is an exciting and challenging game, which has been made easily accessible to Ronaldo's fans on our new MCP. Fans can select the game, or other exclusive content provided on the MCP and it will be transferred from the MCP to the mobile phone."

Eduardo Djas, co-founder of YDreams said: "We see the advent the MCP as being an additional method of installing games onto mobiles that will open new channels to market for developers, content owners and brands alike."

Luis Correia, Director of Gestifute enthusiastically endorsed this
initiative: "This is a new way of extending the Ronaldo brand into the hands of the fans and we see this as being the start of a range of similar products not only from Ronaldo but from the other players under Gestifute's management."

And we're there!!

-----Original Message-----
From: donotreply@seezz3.com [mailto:donotreply@seezz3.com]
Sent: 01 April 2007 09:21
To: dan.grabham@futurenet.co.uk
Subject: Ticket Order Confirmation

Dear MR GRABHAM,

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY

You have booked to attend GLASTONBURY 2007 at Worthy Farm, Pilton-Somerset on 22-24 June 2007

You have ordered the following tickets

Reference - 4 ONLINE ADULT 16+ at £ 150.00 Reference - 2 CAR PARKING (PER VEHICLE) at £ 10.00 Plus a Transaction fee of £ 4.00

You will receive an email in May when your tickets are being despatched.

Please note, your order is subject to Glastonbury receiving authorisation from your card issuer for the requested funds. Should, for any reason, your card issuer fail to give Glastonbury authorisation you will be notified.

Please check your order upon receipt and notify us of any discrepancies. We are unable to rectify problems once the festival has taken place.

Make your voice count on climate change at Glastonbury 2007 join us for OI Count - Glastonbury counts - Together we can cool it. Please visit -
http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/information/index.asp?id=461

Southgate demolition begins!

Look at those jaws...

The mechanical dino has moved in to begin demolishing the old chav arcade at the southern end of Bath city centre. Pretty much everybody is pleased that this horrendous eyeore is beginning to disappear RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!!! More pictures as they knock over more bits.
More info here.



People stopping to stare...



The mechanical dinosaur makes light work of the 1970s reinforced concrete...



Boots' frontage almost completely disappears...



Day two and it's still chomping.

What an offer!

Here at UNITED DIRECT! we have some fantastic offers in store at the moment including:
- Free Larsson shirt printing - worth £10

Brilliant.

Good news indeed...

It has been moved! When I talk about 'it' I do, of course, mean Chelsea v Man United. The game will now take place on the 9 May, by which time United could already have won the league...

OMG - PLAYSTATION 3: ELECTRICITY bills! ELECTRICITY bills!

I received this yesterday....
_______________

PLAYSTATION 3: thumbs up for graphics! THUMBS DOWN for you're ELECTRICITY bills!

14 March 2007

Have you pre-ordered your PlayStation 3 yet? If you have sust-it recommends you top-up the pre-payments on your electricity account at the same time.
The US version of the PS3 comes with a whopping 380 Watt power supply.
That's over twice as much as its main competitor the Xbox 360 with its 165W unit, and over seven times more power hungry than the PlayStation 2. If you were to combine a PS3 with a LG 71" HD Ready Plasma TV to take full advantage of the amazing graphics you could be burning 1.4kWh (kilowatts) of power per hour and if you're a serious gamer that could cost you £1.19 for a five hour session.

Ross Lammas from the 'energy consumption compression website' sust-it.net
said: "We expect new car launches to announce more performance with less fuel consumption; it's a pity that this does not apply to electronic goods.
Is it not time for an energy efficiency rating system for consumer electrical goods?"

sust-it believes that consumers are becoming increasingly aware of the need to reduce energy consumption, and therefore reduce their own CO2 emissions.
The PS3 again highlights the need for clear labelling of the potential power consumption of electronic devices, rather than relying on small print in the technical specification sheets.

The sust-it website allows consumers to compare the running cost of hundreds of consumer electrical goods. It does this by taking the manufacturers published energy consumption rates then multiplying this by an average electricity unit tariff, so making it possible to see how much it will cost to run each day. If individuals and organisations choose energy efficient products in their homes and workplaces they can have a real impact on long-term CO2 emissions and save money. Simply using the growing database on sust-it.net to view the potential "per day" or "per year running" costs of electrical and white goods, consumers can make informed buying decisions, which will have less impact on the environment.

---ENDS---

You couldn't make it up...

-----Original Message-----
From: *********************
Sent: 14 March 2007 15:39
To: dan.grabham@futurenet.co.uk
Subject: Launch of new social networking site for dog lovers

Hi Dan, I wanted to highlight the launch of a new website to you.

I am working for DoggySnaps - www.doggysnaps.com <http://www.doggysnaps.com/> - the Dogs Trust community-focussed networking site where dog lovers can share pictures and stories of their dogs and chat to fellow dog-lovers on the online forums.

I have included a press release with further information below. I thought this could be of interest to you if you are writing a piece on social networking, user generated content or Web 2.0 websites.

Let me know your thoughts.

****

DOG LOVERS GO BARKING MAD FOR SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITE

12th March 2007 - Dogs Trusts new community-focussed networking website Doggysnaps (www.doggysnaps.com <http://www.doggysnaps.com/> ) is leading the pack when it comes to social networking. The online photo-sharing site connects canine enthusiasts all over the world, from the UK to Australia, South Africa and USA with its dog photos, forums and blogs.

The site is the first of its kind to have been launched by an animal welfare charity and uses web 2.0 technology, allowing its community of users to generate content, share information and network with each other.

Registration on doggysnaps.com <http://www.doggysnaps.com/> is free and since being launched in September 2006 the site has significantly increased its membership, reaching over 12,000 registered users and achieving approximately 7,000 visitors each day.

By using doggysnaps.com <http://doggysnaps.com/> members can share pictures and stories of their dogs; create their own 'kennel' space, browse thousands of dog pictures and chat to fellow dog-lovers through online forums. Members are also able to pay tribute to their own and others' dogs in a special In Loving Memory section as well as give virtual 'treats'.

Adrian Burder, Dogs Trust Marketing Director, commented:

"The website is a unique online forum allowing our global members to interact and network with each other, share advice and meet like-minded individuals. doggysnaps.com <http://www.doggysnaps.com/> allows our online community to participate with the site and each other and also provide user feedback so that the site can constantly evolve around their needs and requirements."

Since its launch, the website has evolved with new areas being added and updated. For example the Kennel section - where users can post photos and information on their own dog - is now more interactive and allows for private messaging between users. The Forum section is easier to navigate providing a more user friendly experience. As well as being an open platform for fun, discussion and chat, doggysnaps.com has resulted in some really practical initiatives such as the formation of local dog-walking groups, the sharing of doggy information and advice and even the tracing of littermates..

ENDS

Notes to editors

DoggySnaps has been bred by Dogs Trust and web agency Interesource.

Dogs Trust is the UK's largest dog welfare charity, and cares for over 15,000 dogs every year through its network of 17 Rehoming Centres across the UK.

Dogs Trust is working towards the day when all dogs can enjoy a happy life, free from the threat of unnecessary destruction.

Spokespeople from Dogs Trust are available for interview.

Well, it made us chuckle

Press Release
Radio Cleveland's new building declared open

Category: Radio Cleveland
Date: 14.03.2007

Gareth Southgate will this evening officially open BBC Radio Cleveland's new multi-million pound broadcasting studios and Open Centre.

The building, in the heart of Middlesbrough, has been transformed from a dated office and retail unit into a state-of-the-art complex of public open spaces and broadcasting studios.

On the ground floor is a performance area and separate learning suite which has already hosted a series of lunchtime concerts and live broadcasts.

On the first floor are newly-refurbished studios fitted with the latest in digital broadcasting technology.

BBC Newcastle Press Office

You Gotta Fight, For Your Right.....To Party!

More tales from Nick and Rich over at their blog:

http://nickrichexcellentadventure.blogspot.com/

"A couple of these stories actually made me laugh as I was typing them and I'm getting some peculiar looks from the other internet cafeterians. I really wish I could speak German...."

LG helps Arsenal players Shine, apparently

Humph. As if the afternoon couldn't get any worse this press release turns up. The trumpeting release is from LG who have given each and every Arsenal player a new Shine phone. More fool them. However, the worst thing is the press release, which says absolutely nothing about the event or indeed any mere scrap that a journo could get a story from..

Yet it's somewhat amusing the release does refer to Arsenal's "tough fortnight." Poor Arsene. He certainly didn't see that...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:
Date: 13-Mar-2007 15:57
Subject: LG helps Arsenal players Shine
To:

LG helps Arsenal players Shine

First team squad receive personalised handsets




London, 13 March 2007 – LG Electronics (LG), a world leader in consumer electronics, has helped put some shine back into the lives of the Arsenal footballers, after a tough fortnight for the club. On Friday the company presented every member of the first team squad and management with a personalised, engraved LG Shine handset, the latest addition to its premium Black Label series of mobile phones.

As well as Shine's full-metal body, perfectly reflective 2.2" mirror screen and a high technical specification, each player's phone is engraved with their name, ensuring there will be no confusion in the changing room over whose Shine is whose.

Brian Na, president of LG Electronics UK, says: "LG is delighted to be providing the Arsenal team with our own, unique Shine phone – one of the most desirable handsets currently on the market. And as one of the most stylish teams in the Premiership, we felt that Shine mirrored the club's philosophy perfectly."

--- END ---

Why Trowbridge Sucks reason number #99628

This needs no explanation. Well, apart from the fact that Knees is a famous ol' department store in the Bridge of Trow. Names removed to protect the innocent.

-----Original Message-----
From: ***********
Sent: 12 March 2007 14:18
To: **********
Subject: Why Trowbridge Sucks reason number #99628
Importance: High

Hi,

Went into town at lunch time and found out some shocking news. They're closing the music section in Knees. John (the guy who runs it) reckons it'll be here for another 6 months and then that's it. He did mention a big ole sale though! So that'll be interesting, think that's due to kick off in a few months, so the more I know about this the more I'll let you know.

I was shocked though.

Where else will I be able to buy 7 inchs on a semi regular basis??

Speak soon

How not to install Windows Vista

Over at my Tech.co.uk blog, I tell you why I had a bit of trouble installing Vista and why you need a powerful PC to run it. Oh, and why the BBC man who installed it on a four year old machine is just plain daft.

Tech.co.uk Blogs How not to install Windows Vista

Watch Nevarro!

Uefa is going to have fun with this one...

Check out the incriminating photos here...number 4 will be of particular interest.

Microsoft eyes day when camera phones aid map searches

At it's TechFest, Microsoft Research has displayed a fantastic new web service that recognises where you are - just send it a pic from your mobile phone. Clever indeed.

More here from Reuters.

Another really bad press release

It's themed this time...

MEDIA ALERT *** MEDIA ALERT *** MEDIA ALERT

SHRED YOUR WAY TO A HAPPY HEART THIS VALENTINE’S DAY
For happy couples all over the world, Valentines day is a source of romance, flowers and chocolates but, for singletons everywhere it can be a painful reminder that the postman won’t be stopping at your letter-box. It can induce depression, bitterness and anger in the best of us to see happy people proudly parading their love tokens around the office. While many opt for the "Valentine’s bonfire" on February 14th, this is the year for the "Valentine’s shred-fest"!
Faster, easier and leaving considerably less mess than a bonfire, use your Valentine’s night to purge your life of those reminders of relationships past. The photos that you reminisce over, the love letters you read and re-read, the ticket stub from your first date – the time has come to clear your life of ex-clutter.
Or perhaps you are one of those happy couples. Full of expectation, just waiting for the teddy-bear and chocolates that are definitely coming your way this year? Perhaps it’s time for you to purge too…those letters, cards and cosy photos of the one you were with last year? The ones that are in a box at the bottom of your wardrobe? The ones that your new, eagle-eyed partner could find and misinterpret…
Fellowes, the UK’s leading shredder brand, has the solution and all are available at your local Argos. The DS1 And Shredmate High Security are also available at: Dixons,Staples and WH Smith.
* Fellowes DS1 - £90
* Fellowes Shredmate High Security - £25
* Fellowes P50CM Shredmate Higher Security - £35

OMG!

Vista videoooo

This is the impressive Vista partners video that Billy Gates showed off in his keynote at CES. It showcases some of the systems that have been specially developed to coincide with the Vista launch. Keep an eye out for the round Sony Vaio.