Yes, this really is a real press release

The title? 'Rudolph the reindeer goes into retirement now Santa has sat nav'...

Clutching. At. Straws.

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18th December 2006

Chief Reindeer takes early retirement

Rudolph, world-renowned Chief Reindeer of Santa's Reindeers, has surprised the industry by stepping down from his position as team leader.

The departure is termed "amicable", with an official statement from Rudolph's camp claiming the reindeer wishes to spend "more time with his family". However, recent changes of procedure within Santa circles are widely rumoured to be ruffling some feathers (and fur).

"Santa bought a Garmin nüvi 660 personal travel assistant," says an elf close to both parties, who asked not to be named. "It has a wide 4.3 inch touch screen, Bluetooth wireless capabilities for making hands-free phone calls and mapping across Europe. It wasn't a political decision - Santa and Rudolph are still very close. But you have to move with the times, don't you?"

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Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear...